Father Knows Best

I was watching TV today and a commercial came on, and it featured the president of the United States telling us that we needed to do something with our kids and be good fathers.

Now, that made me wonder. Is there really someone out there today who saw that commercial and suddenly realized, “Hey! The president is telling me go spend time with my kids. I think I’ll take them bowling.”

Probably not. Either you know how to be a good father, or you don’t. A president can’t tell you how, and you can’t learn from a Web site or a TV commercial or a public service announcement on the radio. If you’re counting on that to guide you in fatherhood, you’re probably a lost cause.

But there is someone who can show you how to be a good father – and that’s your own father. A father is the most important influence on a child’s life. If you don’t believe me, go to any prison or strip club and ask the men and women there about their fathers.

My father taught me how to be a father mostly by example – you work, you provide, you don’t complain, you be there when they need you, you do whatever it takes to make sure the family is taken care of. The rewards are you get to see your children grow into good human beings, and you get control of the TV.

My dad never really sat me down for those Leave it to Beaver or Father Knows Best kind of father-son talks. He usually kept his instructions pretty simple and unambiguous. If I were going out of town or somewhere with friends, he would simply look at me and say, “Don’t act the fool.” And I knew exactly what he meant. I didn’t have to take time before I did anything to ponder whether, if I took that action, I would or would not be “acting the fool.” I just knew. And 99 percent of the time, I chose not to act the fool.

About two weeks before my college graduation, when I was home on the weekend, he walked into my room and said, “Do you have a job lined up yet?” I said no. He said, “Get one.” And he walked out. That was pretty clear. So, I got one.

When it was time to cut the grass, he didn’t come ask me to cut the grass. He didn’t negotiate with me, or offer me money, or tell me that it might be nice if I cut the grass. No, he’d walk into my room, and say “Go cut the grass.” And that’s what I did. There was no point in putting up an argument. I was going to lose, because he had God, the law and the power to withhold food on his side.

Of course, when you become a teenager, you tend to discount your father’s advice, because you’re smarter than he is, or so you believe. But sooner or later, and it may take years, you are going to realize that he was right.

I remember once I got lazy and didn’t want to change my own oil, so I went to one of those oil-change places. My dad told me that I needed to be careful when I did that, and I should always crawl under the car myself and make sure they put the oil filter back on tightly. I thought that was the most ridiculous thing I’d ever heard, and took my car to these places for years to get my oil changed without incident.

Then one day, about three years ago, I went to such a place just before I drove to Savannah on a business trip. I should have been suspicious, because the guys working there looked like they’d smoked more dope than Bob Marley, but as usual I did not check to see if they tightened the filter.

Sure enough, two days later, I’m driving out of Savannah on I-16, and I hear a “thump,” like I’d run over something. In a matter of moments, my engine overheated, smoke began to come out of the engine, and by the time I pulled over to the shoulder of the road, the engine had locked up. I looked under the car, and sure enough, no oil filter. Only a few oil splatters and a smoking engine. That explained the thump. They hadn’t tightened it and it fell off.

I wound up riding back from Savannah in the back seat of a pickup truck with a family of rednecks who smoked, argued and listened to modern country music very loudly for 4 hours, singing along to every Toby Keith and Tim McGraw song. Yep, I was thinking the whole time, I should have listened to my daddy.

So I hope you had a chance today to call up your daddy and tell him that you love him, and you appreciate everything he’s done, and you promise that even when you weren’t listening to him, he was making an impact on you. Happy Father’s Day.