Us and Them

One of the interesting things about working in corporate America, if you are the creative type, is that you frequently don't know what the hell people are talking about.

I go to a lot of meetings, about 95 percent of which are a waste of time (they have food at the other 5 percent). In the non-food meetings, I generally pass the time by pretending to take notes but actually making lists, like my favorite 100 albums of all time, or all the big cities I’ve visited, or all the famous people I’ve met. If anybody ever asks to borrow my notes, they’ll wonder what Highway 61 Revisited and Pete Rose have to do with the latest supply chain communication plan.

I can't tell you how many times I've been in a meeting, and somebody is up there talking or giving a presentation, and I don't have the foggiest notion what they're talking about. This is in part because I have the attention span of a 4-year-old, and in part because I'm not one of "Them."

In big companies, especially mine, the employee base is divided into those who are just trying to get through each week without getting fired (Us), and the true believers who take all of the BS that flows from the executive suite and swallow it like a big bite of banana pudding (Them).

It can be confusing. Sometimes you think somebody is one of Us, but then you go into a meeting and they are talking about stakeholders and initiatives and branding, and you think, Oh my God. He's one of Them!

This is troubling to the rest of Us, because now we don't know if he has changed sides, or if we just read him wrong, or if he was one of Them all along and has been spying on us! This is such an important topic that I am breaking my long-standing boycott of exclamation marks!

I saw this on a flyer in an elevator in my office building: "Internal brand building is the organization development process to create alignment between an individual's personal brand and the values of the organization." Clearly, that was written by one of Them, because none of Us can understand it.

Seriously, what does that mean? What is an individual brand? Is it like what you put on a cow?

I guess it means self-promotion, which is the fuel that drives success in the corporate world. I hope I don't sound bitter, and I really don't want to leave the impression that being a shameless huckster for yourself is the only way to get ahead. It also helps a lot if you're related to an executive.

Even writers need to be self-promoters, and my lack of such a skill has hampered me in that field, just as it does in the corporate world. I only half-heartedly tried to get my novel published. It didn't help that my cover letters went something like, "Look, I know you're busy, and I hate to be a bother, but if you have a few minutes to kill, you may want to read this and see what you think. You know, no pressure, and I'll understand perfectly if you don't want to publish it. It's really not a big deal. As a matter of fact, forget the whole thing. Sincerely, Mark Williams."

Maybe I should try again, and this time I'll get one of Them to write my cover letter.